I read all three of these this year. My favorite was the Charlotte Shane memoir because it was real life, and as a women who has delved in ENM dating, there were a lot of interactions I related to with the emotional needs I wasn't aware I would encounter.
I'm probably weird, but All Fours bored me. Then again, I have a lot more freedom than most women along with the good husband. It just didn't seem taboo to me. (I also couldn't justify all that $ going to the hotel room decor project.)
Rejection hit hard and good. I love being led into that darkness. I got bogged down towards the end of the fourth story though.
I learned more about sex and desire from Lisa Taddeo's Three Women. Highly recommend! Again, I'm a sucker for nonfiction.
I'm looking forward to Jamie Hood's memoir Trauma Plot and The Dry Season by Melissa Febos. (Both have Substacks.)
I actually haven't either, and I've heard mixed reviews. So I might keep it perfect for myself, which is to say -- existing only in book form.
And I love that you were bored by All Fours!! Ha. But I hear you, once you've walked the ENM gauntlet, this kind of story probably isn't as shocking or out-there. But the response has been fascinating; for a lot of women I think it felt like permission.
“Sluts” edited by Michelle Tea. It’s a compilation of short stories, non fiction and fiction about sexuality, sex, sex work, and self expression. This really opened my mind up to the possibilities that are out there about how we all experience these things differently and allowed me to feel more open about my own desires, feelings and self expression. It’s graphic but in the most beautiful and profound way
Right now, I’m reading Eric Berkowitz’ “Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire”. It’s a story starting with Mesopotamia and ending I don’t know where because I’m only one quarter of the way through and refuse to jump ahead. So far it’s about how men try to control women’s access and enjoyment of sex. It’s very well written so far, and interesting.
I read 'the feminist' when it was published in n+1 but didn't realise Tony had a collection of short stories out. I am going to go buy Rejection, thanks for the tip!
Might also buy a hard copy of All Fours so my wife can read it too.
Love your blog about your experiences as an ENM mum. Keep it up!
Hey thank you! All Fours is such a trip; I think she (and you!) will genuinely love it. And yeah, I heard about The Feminist in n+1. The rest of the book is so disturbing, and so so good!
I LOVE your book reviews and will be checking all 3 of these out! Thank you for a fantastic glimpse into them. Always look forward to reading your words. :)
Thank you Anna! I truly think you would love ALL of them in different ways. Also. Can we manifest a blockbuster memoir from an ex-trad wife? (Maybe your memoir!)
LOVED “All Fours”! Best book I read all year. But I love all MJ’s work so…but yes, love the humor. And most of all I loved the redecorating the motel room (though some here didn’t). Just the idea of all this beauty hidden in a nondescript, rundown exterior always gets me going. The juxtaposition is always exciting. I guess it’s a metaphor for a lot of things in life. Anyhow…will have to check out the other two books! Happy (almost) New Year.
Andrew, same! I feel like you love MJ or you don’t (and like you, I’m forever in the love camp). The motel room aspect was one of my favorites; I could totally see it being translated into a Meow Wolf-like experience.
I've heard a lot about these, and own the first and third. (I have a huge pile of books lying around.) I'll probably read them when I'm done with Submit (by Sonnet), which one of my partners keeps raving about.
The only dissenting view I'll give with All Fours is it scares a lot of us guys because, well, we can put all the hard work in to be a good husband and still have to give up half our savings in a divorce. I'm not saying Honor Jones' Atlantic essay (remember that?) was the *reason* I didn't get married, but it did push me away at a critical point in my life when I was considering it.
Give up half your savings but you still walk away with 100% of the benefit of her unpaid contributions to your life: enabling your career progression while forgoing her own, raising happy and healthy children, running the social and family engagement you benefit from. Pfft.
I've heard that, but since I didn't in fact get married none of that happened, so I can't really relate. It's one of those 'road not taken' things. Maybe we could have built a happy life together? I don't know and never will. But I just thought to myself, "You're probably worse than this lady's husband, so why would you think you can do any better?"
I read all three of these this year. My favorite was the Charlotte Shane memoir because it was real life, and as a women who has delved in ENM dating, there were a lot of interactions I related to with the emotional needs I wasn't aware I would encounter.
I'm probably weird, but All Fours bored me. Then again, I have a lot more freedom than most women along with the good husband. It just didn't seem taboo to me. (I also couldn't justify all that $ going to the hotel room decor project.)
Rejection hit hard and good. I love being led into that darkness. I got bogged down towards the end of the fourth story though.
I learned more about sex and desire from Lisa Taddeo's Three Women. Highly recommend! Again, I'm a sucker for nonfiction.
I'm looking forward to Jamie Hood's memoir Trauma Plot and The Dry Season by Melissa Febos. (Both have Substacks.)
Thanks for sharing!
Desiree, I also looooooved Three Women. Have you seen the show yet?
I haven't, but I really want to. (Share your Starz password with me. 😉) Have you seen it? I don't want to be disappointed.
And yes, start a book club (or something else fun), and I'll join.
I actually haven't either, and I've heard mixed reviews. So I might keep it perfect for myself, which is to say -- existing only in book form.
And I love that you were bored by All Fours!! Ha. But I hear you, once you've walked the ENM gauntlet, this kind of story probably isn't as shocking or out-there. But the response has been fascinating; for a lot of women I think it felt like permission.
Please, ENM dating means: ___
Ethical non-monogamy
Ethical nonmonogamy
“Sluts” edited by Michelle Tea. It’s a compilation of short stories, non fiction and fiction about sexuality, sex, sex work, and self expression. This really opened my mind up to the possibilities that are out there about how we all experience these things differently and allowed me to feel more open about my own desires, feelings and self expression. It’s graphic but in the most beautiful and profound way
Oooh Ivy thank you for this rec!
Ever thankful to be in your orbit
Right now, I’m reading Eric Berkowitz’ “Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire”. It’s a story starting with Mesopotamia and ending I don’t know where because I’m only one quarter of the way through and refuse to jump ahead. So far it’s about how men try to control women’s access and enjoyment of sex. It’s very well written so far, and interesting.
Rick! That sounds really good!!! Thank you for the share!
I don't know if these two count, they're not explicitly - no pun intended - about sex:
1) Mrs S. by K Patrick
2) Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan.
Love the shares, Tolly! I read All Fours and am such a huge fan of Miranda July's overall work.
Charlotte Shane is such a magnificent writer I bet she is basking in your praise.
I am basking in your presence being here Susie!! (Big fan!) And I hope Charlotte Shane writes so many more things. I’d love to interview her someday.
I read 'the feminist' when it was published in n+1 but didn't realise Tony had a collection of short stories out. I am going to go buy Rejection, thanks for the tip!
Might also buy a hard copy of All Fours so my wife can read it too.
Love your blog about your experiences as an ENM mum. Keep it up!
Hey thank you! All Fours is such a trip; I think she (and you!) will genuinely love it. And yeah, I heard about The Feminist in n+1. The rest of the book is so disturbing, and so so good!
I LOVE your book reviews and will be checking all 3 of these out! Thank you for a fantastic glimpse into them. Always look forward to reading your words. :)
Thank you Anna! I truly think you would love ALL of them in different ways. Also. Can we manifest a blockbuster memoir from an ex-trad wife? (Maybe your memoir!)
I’ll manifest AND work on that memoir. 😉
Tolly…. We need to start a book clurb !!! 📚💥🪩
*YA WE DO*
I’m in the middle of All Fours, loving it. Loving the author reading it to me while I’m on my own middle aged road trip 😅
Maybe you should stop at a motel? ;)
LOVED “All Fours”! Best book I read all year. But I love all MJ’s work so…but yes, love the humor. And most of all I loved the redecorating the motel room (though some here didn’t). Just the idea of all this beauty hidden in a nondescript, rundown exterior always gets me going. The juxtaposition is always exciting. I guess it’s a metaphor for a lot of things in life. Anyhow…will have to check out the other two books! Happy (almost) New Year.
Andrew, same! I feel like you love MJ or you don’t (and like you, I’m forever in the love camp). The motel room aspect was one of my favorites; I could totally see it being translated into a Meow Wolf-like experience.
I've heard a lot about these, and own the first and third. (I have a huge pile of books lying around.) I'll probably read them when I'm done with Submit (by Sonnet), which one of my partners keeps raving about.
The only dissenting view I'll give with All Fours is it scares a lot of us guys because, well, we can put all the hard work in to be a good husband and still have to give up half our savings in a divorce. I'm not saying Honor Jones' Atlantic essay (remember that?) was the *reason* I didn't get married, but it did push me away at a critical point in my life when I was considering it.
Give up half your savings but you still walk away with 100% of the benefit of her unpaid contributions to your life: enabling your career progression while forgoing her own, raising happy and healthy children, running the social and family engagement you benefit from. Pfft.
I've heard that, but since I didn't in fact get married none of that happened, so I can't really relate. It's one of those 'road not taken' things. Maybe we could have built a happy life together? I don't know and never will. But I just thought to myself, "You're probably worse than this lady's husband, so why would you think you can do any better?"