Fascinating topic! I never label(ed) myself and not entirely sure if non monogamous = polyamorous, but as a single mom/woman dating I started to draw parallels and began applying the philosophy/practices that are commonly used; autonomy, open communication, boundaries, etc when dating and in relationship. Allof which should be used regardless but people (subconsciously)resist or lack the skill set due to being conditioned in monogamous mindsets.
What I have found most interesting is that when I was dating to find partnership/a partner to fill the role of a father in my family unit, I was seen as selfless, encouraged and congratulated (literally) in my pursuit.
When I decided to focus on raising my kids and not date to find a serious commitment until my they were out of the home, I was seen as selfish.
The input and projection from the outside world about me not wanting a serious relationship brought a tangible sense of judgement. And envy from a lot of women.
I was personally able to overcome this, but still, it was not lost on me.
I see it with my female clients that I coach when they are getting divorced or dating. The shame and guilt, the desire to want to experience and explore their sexuality, fear and so much more -it starts to take them down and they can’t understand why they don’t feel more excited, free and liberated to enjoy pleasure or date multiple. Thousands of years of messaging is why. They find themselves having affairs and lying instead.
Lastly, there is a selective outrage and bar set for mothers specifically in our culture on what is acceptable vs not. One that I hope through my writing, work and example will get knocked down.
I was lovers w a non-monogamous mother of 3 ( we called it polyamory at the time). Her husband would take the kids out so we could have our time together. And I wasn’t her only lover either. She was awesome. And made it work for everyone while clearly stating her desires and boundaries, and all while maintaining a high ethical and honesty standard. A community builder for sure...
Hello sweet Tolly! I look forward to reading your series. As you may remember, I was non-monogamous before I was a mom. My parenting philosophy/practice is directly tied to how I do polyamory, because, for me, both are rooted in a liberation mindset. I value autonomy, self-determination, communication, democracy, equity. Non-monogamy allows for me to practice these principles in my relationships while being able to express my queerness and rebel against the patriarchy a lil bit. 😘
Before I became a parent, I was determined not to let parenting get in the way of my relationships outside of those with my co-parent/husband. It was important to me to not let the romantic side of me die away. The reality was that not only have I not had as much time for dating and intimacy (even with my husband who is literally right there very night 🤣), but my priorities have seen a major shift toward community and workplace organizing. When I became pregnant, it became very important to me to start doing my part in earnest to make the world a better place. So although I still maintain some of my relationships, it’s been hard to find the motivation to do the hard work of growing and tending them. I have been wondering if anyone else felt this way, actually, so it could be something for you to explore? Sending you love. 💕
Single non-mom here! I personally don't believe we're meant to be monogamous. We grow and change so much throughout our lives, how can we expect one person to meet all of our needs? It's so much pressure. And a decision commonly made young, when we have no idea what's to come. If a couple is secure and mature enough to pull this off, I think it could make a family stronger. Content parents having their needs met while teaching kids you don't have to blindly follow the norm.
Beautiful!! Who are these non-monogamous moms and where might I find one in this crazy world? ;)
Fascinating topic! I never label(ed) myself and not entirely sure if non monogamous = polyamorous, but as a single mom/woman dating I started to draw parallels and began applying the philosophy/practices that are commonly used; autonomy, open communication, boundaries, etc when dating and in relationship. Allof which should be used regardless but people (subconsciously)resist or lack the skill set due to being conditioned in monogamous mindsets.
What I have found most interesting is that when I was dating to find partnership/a partner to fill the role of a father in my family unit, I was seen as selfless, encouraged and congratulated (literally) in my pursuit.
When I decided to focus on raising my kids and not date to find a serious commitment until my they were out of the home, I was seen as selfish.
The input and projection from the outside world about me not wanting a serious relationship brought a tangible sense of judgement. And envy from a lot of women.
I was personally able to overcome this, but still, it was not lost on me.
I see it with my female clients that I coach when they are getting divorced or dating. The shame and guilt, the desire to want to experience and explore their sexuality, fear and so much more -it starts to take them down and they can’t understand why they don’t feel more excited, free and liberated to enjoy pleasure or date multiple. Thousands of years of messaging is why. They find themselves having affairs and lying instead.
Lastly, there is a selective outrage and bar set for mothers specifically in our culture on what is acceptable vs not. One that I hope through my writing, work and example will get knocked down.
I look forward to reading your series 🪄🪩
I was lovers w a non-monogamous mother of 3 ( we called it polyamory at the time). Her husband would take the kids out so we could have our time together. And I wasn’t her only lover either. She was awesome. And made it work for everyone while clearly stating her desires and boundaries, and all while maintaining a high ethical and honesty standard. A community builder for sure...
Hello sweet Tolly! I look forward to reading your series. As you may remember, I was non-monogamous before I was a mom. My parenting philosophy/practice is directly tied to how I do polyamory, because, for me, both are rooted in a liberation mindset. I value autonomy, self-determination, communication, democracy, equity. Non-monogamy allows for me to practice these principles in my relationships while being able to express my queerness and rebel against the patriarchy a lil bit. 😘
Before I became a parent, I was determined not to let parenting get in the way of my relationships outside of those with my co-parent/husband. It was important to me to not let the romantic side of me die away. The reality was that not only have I not had as much time for dating and intimacy (even with my husband who is literally right there very night 🤣), but my priorities have seen a major shift toward community and workplace organizing. When I became pregnant, it became very important to me to start doing my part in earnest to make the world a better place. So although I still maintain some of my relationships, it’s been hard to find the motivation to do the hard work of growing and tending them. I have been wondering if anyone else felt this way, actually, so it could be something for you to explore? Sending you love. 💕
Single non-mom here! I personally don't believe we're meant to be monogamous. We grow and change so much throughout our lives, how can we expect one person to meet all of our needs? It's so much pressure. And a decision commonly made young, when we have no idea what's to come. If a couple is secure and mature enough to pull this off, I think it could make a family stronger. Content parents having their needs met while teaching kids you don't have to blindly follow the norm.